Q: My fiance and I want to have gothic wedding, but our families are completely opposed. How can we have the wedding we want and keep our families happy?
A: A wedding ceremony is as much about uniting two families as it is about uniting two people, so you’re definitely on the right track by trying to make your families feel included, rather than alienated.
Find details where you can compromise. This will likely involve keeping some classic wedding traditions, but shaking them up by incorporating some of the gothic elements you love. For example, you might wear a white wedding dress, but tie a black ribbon sash around your waist. Or, honor your heritage by creating a gothic-style family crest to use on your stationery and reception details.
Another idea is to separate the ceremony and the wedding reception completely: Have a traditional, vanilla ceremony, but when it comes to the reception, let your dark side run wild. You’ll be able to celebrate your union in a way your family will fully appreciate, and then wow all your guests with an over-the-top reception that feels totally “you.”
Whichever route you choose, it’s best to explain your intentions up front. Gothic weddings are about romance and mystery, and opening up to your family (hey, you can’t have it all!) is the only way to help them understand the significance -- and why it resonates deeply with you.
Q: My fiance doesn’t like the idea of having a gothic wedding. What can I do to change his mind?
A: The wedding signifies a new beginning to your lives together, so keep two things in mind when it comes to making wedding style decisions: compromise and communication. Talk to your fiance and find why he’s opposed to a gothic wedding; then find ways to meet in the middle. Remember that this will set the tone for decisions you’ll make in your future married life.
If it’s really just the gothic tone you’re after, you don’t have to include overtly gothic elements to capture the feeling. Two easy ways to add hints of goth culture to your wedding are with the season and the color palette. Fall and winter, for example, lend themselves to a more moody ambience, making it perfectly acceptable to decorate with deep burgundy and purple, for a wedding theme that’s both gothic and accommodating to your fiance’s non-goth leanings.
Q: I’m having a gothic wedding -- how can I ask guests to dress the part?
A: Dictating the dress code to your wedding guests can be tough -- gothic or not. Whether your theme is Victorian, classic with a touch of goth, or over-the-top gothic, make the attire details clear by spreading the word. The best way is to print the desired style of dress on the invitation or save-the-dates. If it’s a more intimate event, you can ask your bridal party, parents, and friends to spread the word about the wedding’s theme; just be sure everyone gets the message. Also, keep in mind that you can’t expect every last guest to come outfitted precisely to your style. Either way, though, your guests will appreciate a heads up on the dress code so that they don’t feel out of place and have time to put together the perfect outfit to get in on the fun!
-- Alex Hess